There were 106,123 people in Ohio Stadium Saturday to witness the Ohio State football team’s win over Western Michigan.
Two of them were my wife and I.
One of that was that guy.
When I say “that guy,” I’m talking about the most obnoxious football fan in the world — the one who thinks because bought a ticket to see the game, he has every right to act like a loud, boorish, more-than-slightly unpleasant smelling human being for a little more than thee hours.
Out of the 106,121 other people my wife and I could have found ourselves sitting next to after purchasing our tickets, I’ll give you three guesses who we ended up sitting next to — but you’re probably not going to need the second two.
Yep, we sat right next to him.
If you’ve ever attended a sporting event — not just at Ohio State, not just at a football game and not just at the college level — chances are you know the type. Seemingly, this type of “fan” has permeated every level of the sports world. Unfortunately, I’ve even seen this type of person at high school contests.
For starters, our dear friend wearing the replica Archie Griffin jersey — as someone who has met Archie Griffin, a class act in every sense of the word, on multiple occasions, I can assure you he would not exactly be flattered to have this guy wearing his jersey — was loud. Very loud.
And that’s OK — I get that. At a sporting event, it’s OK to be loud … expected even. But I’m not sure it’s necessary to be loud the entire time. For instance, when the team you choose to root for is winning by three touchdowns late in the game and a running back carries the ball for 2 yards, I’m not sure it’s entirely necessary to scream at the top of your lungs when there are innocent people sitting next to you.
There’s a time and place for everything, including being loud at a football game. When both teams are standing on the sideline during a commercial break, it’s probably not necessary to be standing and voicing your support for the team at full throat — it’s actually pretty ostentatious and downright annoying.
I’m also not entirely sure it’s necessary — particularly when being that loud — to be profane throughout the course of the game. Look, I enjoy a good swear word — used at the right time and in front of the correct audience — just as much as the next guy. This guy, on the other hand, peppered just about every sentence he said with profanity. He used it when the Buckeyes were doing poorly — as in “What the @%^!, Buckeyes?” — but he also used it when they were doing well, as in “Way to @%^!, Buckeyes!”
Cuss words lose their emphasis when used constantly. Also, it’s really not cool to be using them when small children are within ear shot. And when you bellow as loudly as you did Saturday, you bloated gas bag, everyone in Ohio Stadium is pretty much within ear shot.
Of course, when this person wasn’t swearing, he also wasn’t adding any intelligent discourse to the proceedings whatsoever. Not that you could convince him of that, mind you. Because this person, judging by his constant stream of (frequently loud and profane) opinions, must have invented the game of football.
And he sure as heck knew a lot more about football than Ohio State’s coach, three-time national championship winner Urban Meyer. Every play that Meyer called in Saturday’s game was the wrong one, according to the guy sitting next to us. If the Buckeyes gained 20 yards on a play, they should have gained 80. If they stopped Western Michigan for no gain, they should have stopped the Broncos for a loss of yards.
If Ohio State scored a passing touchdown, they should have scored a rushing touchdown. Ohio State could have won by 80 points, and it would not have been enough for this guy. It’s too bad he wasn’t the coach last year — he not only would have won a national title (which, you know, Meyer did), but we would have done it in far more impressive fashion.
And if this guy’s football acumen made Urban Meyer look like an idiot, then his intelligence made the referees look like high-functioning heads of cauliflower. Every call the refs made was wrong Saturday. According to him, Ohio State played a penalty-free game. Had Cardale Jones taking a ball peen hammer out on the field with him and used it to start clubbing Western Michigan linebackers, no foul should have been called.
Even when the officials weren’t throwing penalty flags, they should have been. On Western Michigan. On every play. Literally, the Broncos cheated on every single down. Any positive thing Western Michigan did against Ohio State was the result of cheating.
See, it’s people like this who ruin games for the rest of us. It’s people like this who make me not want to spend exorbitant amounts of money on tickets to sporting events.
It’s people like this who keep me in the pressbox — the opinions may not be much better, but at least it’s a little quiter.
Troy’s very own David Fong appears on Thursdays in the Troy Daily News. Contact him at email@example.com; follow him on Twitter @thefong