So it’s another one of those Super Bowls.
You know, one of those Super Bowls where you don’t particularly like either team that’s actually playing in the game, but you are an American, so you kind of figure it’s your civic duty to at least feign interest in the outcome of this game. And really, it’s way more fun watching a football game if you actually care who wins.
Since most folks around here aren’t Patriots fans or Falcons fans, it’s probably easier to figure out who you hate less and root for the other team. Of course, the knee jerk reaction is probably to root against the Patriots, because they win all the time — and that gets boring — and because their coach is a troll in a hoodie.
But I’m going to try to take a little (very little) more scientific approach in choosing who I’m going to be cheering for this Sunday. Here’s the criteria I’ll be using:
More Ohio State players
Since I much prefer college football to professional football, when choosing which team I’ll be rooting for in the big game, I always first look at which team has more former Ohio State players. If the number of Ohio State players on each team is relatively close, I like to subtract the number of Michigan players and come up with a final total.
New England has two former Buckeyes on the roster: Nate Ebner, a special teams standout, and Chase Farris, an offensive lineman on the practice squad.
Atlanta, meanwhile, has no Ohio State players.
However, New England’s biggest star is former Michigan man Tom Brady. Having him on the roster totally outweighs a practice squad guy and a special teams player.
Food plays an important role in my life. Probably too important. That being said, I love food from all the different regions of the United States — and when I meet someone from a different part of the country for the first time, I try to stick to two topics of conversation: how good their high school football team was and what sort of food they prefer.
Atlanta is known for its delicious Southern cuisine. I love barbecue, fried chicken and, of course, Georgia peaches.
New England has lobsters.
This isn’t even close
There are pretty much only two things I watch on television: football and professional wrestling. There was a time, back before the WWE took over wrestling in North America, in which pro wrestling was broken down along regional lines. Back then, the WWE (then known as the WWWF, followed by the WWF) was primarily in the Northeast, where the Patriots reign supreme.
Back when I was a kid, I would watch Ted Turner’s SuperStation every Saturday night at 6:05 p.m. to catch Championship Wrestling from Georgia. I was held captive by the antics of men like The Road Warriors, “Mad Dog” Buzz Sawyer, “Wildfire” Tommy Rich and, of course, “Nature Boy” Ric Flair.
The WWE may rule the roost now, but I remember a better time. I was definitely a Southern wrestling guy.
I realize this is a pretty arbitrary method of selecting who I’m going to cheer for in the Super Bowl, but since I truly don’t care much about either team one way or the other, it’s as good as anything else, I suppose.
The Patriots represent all that is right with America. They represent brave men and women willing to throw off the shackles of tyranny. They fought and bled so that this country may remain free (I mean the original patriots, of course. To the best of my knowledge, none of the New England Patriots are actually fighting for freedom).
The Falcons are represented by … well, a bird.
Who did I bet on?
Going into this final category, it’s tied, 2-2. So really, it all comes down to the team on which my money is riding.
With all of that being said … Falcons.
Troy’s very own David Fong appears on Thursdays in the Troy Daily News. Contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org; follow him on Twitter @thefong